Be your parent’s strongest advocate.

Early dementia looks different from normal aging. Watch for:

• Asking the same question over and over within minutes
• Getting lost on familiar routes or in their own neighborhood
• Forgetting names of close family members
• Trouble managing bills or finances they used to handle fine
• Personality changes — becoming suspicious, withdrawn, or unusually anxious
• Losing track of the date, month, or year

One or two of these occasionally is normal aging. A pattern of several happening regularly is worth a doctor’s visit.

Dementia is an umbrella term for a group of symptoms that affect memory, thinking, and daily life. Alzheimer’s disease is the most common cause of dementia — accounting for about 60–80% of cases.

Think of it this way: all Alzheimer’s is dementia, but not all dementia is Alzheimer’s. Other causes include Lewy body dementia, vascular dementia (from strokes), and Parkinson’s disease.

The type matters because treatments and what to expect can differ. Ask your parent’s doctor for a specific diagnosis, not just “dementia.”

Use the acronym FAST:

• Face drooping — one side of the face droops or feels numb
• Arm weakness — one arm is weak or numb, drifts down when raised
• Speech difficulty — slurred, strange, or no speech
• Time to call 911 — immediately, even if symptoms seem to pass

A “mini-stroke” (TIA) may pass quickly but is a serious warning sign. Always get it checked right away — do not wait to see if it gets better.

Depression in older adults often looks different than in younger people. Watch for:

• Losing interest in things they used to enjoy
• Withdrawing from family and friends
• Eating much less or much more than usual
• Sleeping all the time, or unable to sleep
• Saying things like “I’m a burden” or “I wish I weren’t here”
• Unusual physical complaints like fatigue, headaches, or stomach problems

Depression is not a normal part of aging and it is very treatable. Bring it up with their doctor — your parent may not mention it themselves.

This is one of the hardest conversations caregivers face. Consider having a talk if you notice:

• New dents, scrapes, or unexplained damage on the car
• Getting lost on familiar routes
• Drifting into other lanes or running stop signs
• Driving too slowly or braking suddenly without reason
• Confusion about where they are or where they are going

Ask their doctor to order a driving evaluation — it carries more weight coming from a doctor than from family. Many rehab centers offer formal driving assessments.

Resistance to medications is very common. A few things that help:

• Use a weekly pill organizer — it makes it easy to see if a dose was missed
• Tie medications to a daily habit like breakfast or brushing teeth
• Set an alarm on their phone or yours as a reminder
• Ask the pharmacist if any pills can be crushed or if a liquid version is available
• If they refuse entirely, ask their doctor — sometimes the medication can be changed or simplified

Never crush or split a pill without checking with the pharmacist first. Some medications should never be split.

When a parent sees several specialists, no single doctor sees the full picture. Here is how to stay on top of it:

• Use one pharmacy for all prescriptions — the pharmacist can flag dangerous interactions
• Keep your master medication list updated and share it with every doctor at every visit
• Ask each specialist: “Is this medication safe with everything else on this list?”
• Request a “medication review” from their primary care doctor once a year
• Watch for signs of over-medication: unusual drowsiness, falls, confusion, or loss of appetite

This is incredibly common, especially with parents from a generation that “pushed through.” Try these approaches:

• Frame it as your need, not theirs — “I just need to know you are okay. It would put my mind at ease.”
• Make the appointment yourself and simply tell them the time and place
• Ask their doctor if a telehealth call is an option — less intimidating for many people
• If they have a trusted friend or sibling, ask that person to encourage them
• For consistent refusal with cognitive decline, speak with their doctor privately first

Pick your battles. A wellness visit is worth the fight. A routine checkup for a minor issue may not be.

You have two options:

• Before the visit: Call or send a message through the patient portal and share your concerns in writing. Doctors review these before appointments. Your parent does not need to know.
• At the visit: Ask to speak with the doctor privately for a few minutes — most will step out with you briefly. Or hand them a folded note when you arrive.

Important: a doctor cannot share your parent’s medical information with you without permission (HIPAA). But they can absolutely receive information from you. Ask your parent to sign a release so the doctor can speak freely with you going forward.